I recently enjoyed an awesome trip to San Francisco for a few days with my friend Nadya. We were quite proud of ourselves because we parked our car the first day there and didn't move it for two days! We just used public transit and walked. It was quite a relaxing trip. One night we were walking around Haight/Ashbury area and found this awesome middle eastern bar. We spent three hours enjoying beer, hooka, awesome food and each others company.



I also saw one of the most beautiful interactions between two people and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. So today, while thinking about it, I wrote a poem. I hope it encourages you all to really see people; and to love them.

"Invisible Girl"

She sits alone in the cold.
Searching for warmth with arms in fold.
Her weather beaten cardboard sign pleads for help.

Pained eyes search for human connection but find none.
It seems everyone has their own shit to get done,
Because she sits invisible to all.

Her life fell apart
when ripped was her heart
at the loss of her child.

Invisible girl alone in the world,
Who will love you?

Invisible girl all dirty in rags,
Who will care?

Invisible girl slowly dying inside,
But who has the eyes to see you?

Along walks a mother,
Arms burdened with bags and other
Christmas crap she'll never need.

Her young son trailing behind,
Makes a game of walking cement lines.
But stops in front of the invisible girl.

His eyes reach to hers speaking love silently
And his hand takes hers compassionately.
Perhaps she's not invisible after all.

"Merry Christmas" he utters,
and turns to catch his mother
while a smile creeps across the girls face.

Now memories of love and better times
Rather than cold and hunger can enter her mind
Because a child had the eyes to see, her humanity.

Sorry i've been posting so many videos lately instead of actually writing a blog. But, I have another one. It's Bjorks music video for "human behavior". I love this for several reasons:

1) it's bjork, and she is incredible
2) Michel Gondry directed it and he is incredible. (he directed eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, science of sleep)

enjoy:

HOW DID I MISS THIS!!!

dear all of my friends who went to see this movie,
i'm not sure we can be friends any more. You have reached a level in life that I cannot attain merely because your eyes beheld the beauty of Sigur Ros and Iceland while mine have not. The only way our friendship can be repaired, is if you find a way for me to experience this too. That is all.
love,
Jared



if you want a better quality of the trailer, go here:
http://www.heima.co.uk/video/

This was one of my favorite holidays to celebrate every time we went to Auntie Patricia's House. The French celebrate this holiday by leaving their shoes in another room over night. Then St. Nicholas knocks on your door and when you get up and go in the room with your shoes, there is candy and presents in them!!! (Assuming you were a good kid of course) Well, Denise and I put our shoes out and waited patiently. When we heard a *knock* we ran into the living room and found presents!!!!

Here is one of the stories of St. Nicholas to explain where gifts in shoes or stockings come from, and also why so many people get oranges too:

One story tells of a poor man with three daughters. In those days a young woman's father had to offer prospective husbands something of value—a dowry. The larger the dowry, the better the chance that a young woman would find a good husband. Without a dowry, a woman was unlikely to marry. This poor man's daughters, without dowries, were therefore destined to be sold into slavery. Mysteriously, on three different occasions, a bag of gold appeared in their home-providing the needed dowries. The bags of gold, tossed through an open window, are said to have landed in stockings or shoes left before the fire to dry. This led to the custom of children hanging stockings or putting out shoes, eagerly awaiting gifts from Saint Nicholas. Sometimes the story is told with gold balls instead of bags of gold. That is why three gold balls, sometimes represented as oranges, are one of the symbols for St. Nicholas. And so St. Nicholas is a gift-giver.




HAPPY ST. NICHOLAS DAY!!!!

you'd think that with the excessive amounts of time that I have had lately to do whatever, I could find the time to write one little blog........

When you find yourself bored at home, and though you should be working on other more productive things, YOU SHOULD MAKE A MOVIE!!! That's what I did! Hope you enjoy it!

So I was watching this music video (which I love), and when the lights come up the girl singing.....she's.......MY MOM!!!! No, I'm not talking my mom now, I'm talking my mom's teenage self became best friends with Orsen Wells and borrowed his time machine so she could fly into the future and freak me out with her music video! Seriously, if any of you have seen a picture of my mom when she was in highschool/college, then you know that this girl is her twin. Maybe I'll try and find a pic of her that I can post with this video too. We'll see.

Oh and the video is her version of Nelly's song "Hot in Herre". You know the one....."it's getting hot in here, so take of all your clothes" It's hilarious to see a rap song sung by this talented folksy girl. AND it's good. Tell me what you thing.

Heart, Mind and Soul took a bus to the cemetary.
Many thought the three were getting along quite well
but truth spoke words quite contrary.
They gathered around a mound with something hidden six feet underground
and Mind bent down to read each etched word in the stone, but was quickly interrupted by the heavy sobs of Heart.
Mind's eyes rolled back as he stood, frustration smeared across his movements. His sharp tongue longing to pierce Heart's weakness.
"You can't be dead!" moaned Heart with each tear shed.
"It could never have worked!" bleeted Mind with a smirk.
Soul, desiring nothing but unity between the two, spoke up, "Come, let us find peace in the work that we do."
Heart's last tear dropped as the three slowly walked to the bus stop.
The bus doors closed and it drove away while the sun set on another day.
The shadows of the tombstone's lettering elongated as the mountains swallowed the sun, declaring
"HERE LIES THE MEMORY OF YOU"

still in the middle of my road trip. I'm currently in a really cool coffee shop in Estees Park Colorado. Sipping fresh peppermint tea, listening to local conversations about what God's occupation was before he created the universe.

Maybe he used to sit on the corner smoking cigarettes until inspiration hit. You know, he worked for 6 days straight? He must have been really smelly after he worked for 6 days straight. I bet he didn't even stop to take a shower.

Dark ominous clouds loom over the town teasing my desire for rain with little spit-like drops. More than a week into this trip and it feels so good to just stop. My chair isn't attached to wheels and flying down some mountain road. I can rest my head back and close my eyes without worrying about veering off the road. It seems like everyone who walks into this place is best friends with the owner. I want to be friends with him because then I could share my ideas of God's other occupations. But for now, it's nice to just listen.

This trip has taken me over almost every western state and Canada. I think the only two I'll be missing are Arizona and New Mexico. Northern california was beautiful. The redwoods really are majestic. In Eureka, I met a woman sitting on the side of the road holding a cardboard sign reading "Hungry". I made us some PB&J sandwiches and had a nice little chat about her cat "Baby". Most cats hate riding in the car. Not Baby. Baby rides shotgun eagerly watching the yellowlines as if they are mice too quick to catch. I finish my sandwich and wish her the best of luck.

After Canada, we drive down into Glacier National Park. It's high peaks and narrow valley are quite reminescent of Yosemite, but here there is a huge lake with the clearest of water. I call it the tears of the Glaciers which are apparently melting unfortunatly fast. Our camp neighbors return from a hike as darkness slowly begins to creep through the trees. They come over and talk. Jack is a retired coast guard guy and his wife Anne loves dogs. They are like her children. She blushes and slaps Jack sharply when he makes a comment about how she can't have kids. "You better watch it old man!" she says. They seem truly happy together.

Wyoming brings with it camping in Yellowstone and a visit with some old High Sierra friends now married and residing in Jackson Hole. We see their new amazing house with its beautiful view of the mountains. They have family visiting, a free spirited 50-something uncle and his half-korean daughter who lives in New York City. We sip wine and discuss communism in Africa and bush masacres. After a few glasses of wine, the daughters response to every sentence seems to be "that's not democracy! IS IT?!"

A few long stretches of freeway and one road-side sleeping session later, we arrive in Colorado to my present location. Camping in Rocky Mountain National Park is going to be awesome. That is all.

P.S. This is the longest I haven't shaved.........guess what? I CAN grow facial hair!!!! ("sort of" says Biermann across the table)

Tammy, this blog is for you, since I told you that I would show you pictures of the book case i constructed. Sorry it took so long. Anyway, here you go. I love it, although now I wish I would have used longer boards as I already don't have space for more books.

It seems that I've let down the community of people who read what I'm up to on this site. And by community, I mean three people. :-) So, here I am to inform the masses (those of you interested) as to the meanderings of me.

July 25th was my last day working at Hillview. Talk about bittersweet. It seemed that towards the end, all I could think about was the sweet taste of freedom growing ever stronger on my pallate. However the aftertaste left a few tears in my eyes. How do you say good bye to kids that you have grown so close to? How do you convey the intensity of emotion felt for someone when words will never suffice?

The coast disappeared as the sea drowned the sun.
I have no words to share with anyone.
The boundaries of language I quietly cursed
All the different names for the same thing

When our language gives us a plethora of words to express ourselves, there are those few and precious moments when they will never do. Needless to say, the goodbyes were hard. Some kids didn't really show much emotion, while others quietly turned their faces away to hide tears. I just pray that my time there helped some of them to learn that it is quite possible to trust and be loved by others.

On the flip side, saying good bye to some of my dear friends and coworkers at Hillview was also hard. I never expected to become as close to a few of them as I did, and I hope that they know how important they are to me.

I ended my time by packing my car up and driving with a few friends to Muglar Meadow (just outside Yosemite) to camp. I can't think of a better transition into a new life. We had tribal dance parties around the campfire late at night. The flames throwing expanded images of the midnight dancers upon the megalythic trees. Definatly a highlight. We hiked in Yosemite and swam in Bass Lake.





So where am I now? I am blessed to call my great Grandma Salazar's house in Firebaugh my new home. My cousin Denise and I share the old and beautiful casa. It's pretty cool to live in a house so rich in memory. Hide and seek in the lavish and dream like backyard. Anyone who has been there years past probably remembers how when my great grandmother was living, she decorated the back garden with doll heads hanging from trees, and random art sculptures that she had created. Living in the town that raised me through the sixth grade is interesting to say the least. A town with two stop lights. Where we really do have the town butcher and the town barber. The tentacles of our fast food nation have not yet gripped this some how hidden town. (The memory of a Taco Bell opening when I was young enters my mind, though it's life was short lived as it was closed quite soon afterward). Fresh produce abounds and walks by the river usher in tranquil thoughts. I'm loving still being close to Chowchilla and hanging out with the younger sibs as much as possible.

So, that's my new life. Jobless and eagerly awaiting word from the Peace Corps as to when I get to leave. No complaints on my end. I'm loving passing the days with incredible books and amazing family.

I've been meaning to post this for a long time.... enjoy!

Aren't most people supposed to look forward to the weekend? I'm working. :(

Ok so there is so much to update on and yet I need to sleep.....
Here are some highlights:

-Bought a record player at a thrift store
-My time at Hillview is wrapping up.....so bitter sweet
-Ghandi's autobiography is amazing! (still reading it)
-Volunteered with the Catholic Worker in Los Angeles last week. I worked in the Hippie Kitchen on skid row feeding the homeless. Hoping to have more opportunities to go back. www.lacatholicworker.org
-Great 4th of July at the beach with great friends.

Here are some pics of:
The "Hippie Kitchen"
The 4th of July in San Clemente
So there you go. I hope I can be a little more detailed next time. There is so much to share.

I enjoyed a great day off today. Met up with Megan and Casey for lunch at a nice little cafe where we had some much needed catch up and nice conversation. Then Megan and I headed out for some thrift shopping. This included finding a record player that I purchased, browsing records and writing fun songs on an old organ while two little kids chuckled and watched. Oh, this part of the day also included one of the best conversations I have ever over heard.....IN MY LIFE!!! Here's the story:

So, I am still looking for cheap record players and Megan and I decide to try out Wimpy's Pawn shop. We walk in and are immediatly disappointed by there lack of inspiring wares. However, before we leave I see a short asian man holding a large bow (without the arrow) in his hand and talking in broken english to the register guy.

"No...It's not for shoo-ting men" says the asian man, "is for shoo-ting babies!!!" I immediatly turn to watch this dialogue unfold.

"Shooting babies?" asks the confused store clerk.

"YES!!! For shoo-ting babies!" replies the asian man with unwavering confidence.

Wow. It seemed to make perfect sense to the asian man. I left before the conversation concluded, though now I'm quite curious as to the outcome.

Later, Megan and I drove to Pasadena and hopped on the Metro and rode to China town. We ate dinner (the two of us for a total of $3.50!!!) and then got back on the train to Hollywood. We walked to Amoeba Music and browsed records for probably an hour.

We spent the whole metro ride back writing a series of Haikus entitled "Metro Haikus". Here are the few that I wrote all pertaining to different parts of the day:

"metro"
Waving of the train.
Beep the doors open, stand clear
Arrive at adventure.

"Amoeba"
Rows sprinkled in dust
Music also has a smell.
Hold tight flatulents!

"man in the corner"
Teacher's judging stares.
Voiceless communication.
Pen hunting mistakes.

"China Town"
Styrofoam bounty
Three dollars and fifty cents
Where is the bathroom?!

Needless to say, the day was a lot of fun. Here are some pics too:

There was a time at work when my friend Jared (yes same name as me) and I had some fun leaving little notes for Nadya on her desk. She enjoys idioms and we always thought it would be funny to start a comic about a world where people used idioms quite literally. The result was a fun and ongoing art series. Enjoy.

To be able to say "I Love You" to a kid shortly after he has cussed at you, spit in your face, assaulted you, kicked you and scratched you is a powerful thing.

It has been really hard at work lately. I have lots of new boys and they all have come with burdens that no kid should ever have to carry. All manifested in aggression, provocation, assault, AWOLing.....the list goes on. Sometimes it's more than I can even begin to understand. If you have been around me lately and you have asked about work, I'm sure you have heard about how hard it's been and how I would much rather be some where else. My life at Hillview has been quite cyclical with many ups and downs. I had been riding on the up for quite awhile but more recently I have begun going over the crest and now feel the crashing deep in my stomach.

Tonight was rough. One of my boys (who I really enjoy) just could not listen and ended up becoming dangerously assaultive (I'm hoping I won't have bruises) and Becky and I had to take him outside where he was put in a restraint. In the midst of the struggle were many "fuck you" 's and spit thrown with hateful precision. In the end, he calmed down and sat on the porch refusing to be near me. As much as he hated me at that moment I truely desired for him to know that I wasn't upset (which is a miracle in itself).

"Please know I'm not mad at you and I love you." I say.

"Shut the fuck up!" is what I get in reply, and he begins to cry. In the intensity of his hatred, I think my words pierced.

Shortly after he was back inside laying in bed drained from the physical and emotional events. I reach over and wrap my arms around him and say again, "I love you." I stand up and begin walking out of his room pausing at his doorway just in time to hear, "I love you too."

Maybe it's the power in these moments that get me through the stomach churning descents and provide enough hope to last until I hear the clanking of the chains pulling my cart back up.

I have so many things to update on. Things i've been doing. Places I've been going. Amazing things i've been reading and learning. But the one thing on the fore front of my mind right now is.....i'm going home for the weekend! I can't wait to see Cassie, Corey, Mom, Amy, Josh......

Is this troubling to anyone else?




http://bushfish.org/

I've been at Hillview for a year and some months now and I have had countless experiences feeling like a dad. I more recently had one that I thought was quite comical and wanted to share it with you. One of my boys wasn't doing too good in school so his teacher sent this note home to me (probably thinking i'm his dad). First it's addressed to "Mr. Tharp".... hehe she called me Mr.! Secondly, if you notice on the bottom, I was supposed to sign it and return it to the teacher. Well, the note was found hiding under his bed and he had tried to sign it for me! I guess he thought it didn't look very convincing and decided to hide it. Oh I love that kid.

I've had a really amazing past few days. It's amazing how much restoration and reclaiming of sanity the outdoors can bring you. I just got back from 3 days in Joshua Tree with some amazing friends. We met up with a large group of Summit Adventure people but we had our own little camp site. Nadya, Jen, Harris and I left friday afternoon and drove iggy (my car) to Jtree in about 2 hours. Even a little traffic couldn't dampen my excitement. While there we scrambled on rocks, slept under the stars, had ridiculous photo shoots, farted, climbed and enjoyed amazing community. It was awesome.

One night we drove to the other entrance to the park to watch the sunset. While driving, I pulled out my GPS so that we could enjoy a few geocaches. As we followed the ever exciting little purple line on the screen we found our selves off the main road and surrounded by beautiful rusted metal sculptures. We exited the car to examine them. It was like being surrounded by twisted metal fingers reaching out of the ground to the heavens. It was a huge field. Needless to say, we found the cache but had forgotten a pen to sign it. There was another one that led us down this beat up dirt road in the pitch black. It was quite reminescent of some horror movie where the college age kids go out for an adventure and return with a few less friends or limbs. We turned around because we kinda like our limbs.

Another highlight was seeing a mother battling the diasease MS conquer several hard climbs with tears in her eyes. An amazing woman let me tell you. The trip ended with a church service surrounded by God's natural Cathedrals, magnificent rocks jetting from the ground. I'll try and post some pics soon.

On another note, I got to hang out with Barry again. If you don't know who Barry is read a few blogs back. I found him outside the bookstore in Pasadena again. I brough him dinner and we hung out for an hour or so. We talked about how he has been doing. A storm was blowing in so I asked him what he has been sleeping in and if he was warm enough. He confessed all he had were the clothes on his back and 2 woven blankets that were pretty corroded. I offered him a sleeping bag I had in my car and he greatfully accepted. He complained of some pain that a tooth was giving him and I'm hoping to find a clinic or something in the area that could help him out. If anyone knows of anything like this in the Pasadena area please let me know. When I asked him if he had any friends that he hung out with he said he didn't because when several homeless people hang out they are more prone to get in trouble with police or security. I'm sure he longs for interaction so I'm hoping we can begin hanging out more and more. It freaks my mom out, but I would love to sleep on the streets sometime to really understand his plight (or whatever small amount i can). Maybe I will get enough courage to try it sometime.

I think that's about it in terms of updates. Oh, if any of you enjoy reading blogs, one of my favorite musicians, Imogen Heap, has been writing an amazing blog with pics and vids as she travels the world working on her newest album. You should check it out: www.myspace.com/imogenheap just scroll down to her blog section.

I guess that's all.

For those of you who read my blog that I wrote earlier today (well technically yesterday as it is now 12:40am) you will find what I am about to write pretty ironic.

I had a great day off. I spent hours in a coffee shop finishing that peace corps app as well as blogging etc. Afterwards, I went to dinner with some great friends at this little place called "Roady's". When you walk in you get a strange feeling that if you can't prove your age to be over 60 then you will be kicked to the curb. We have a history there and love going because all of the old people give you dirty looks, scoffing at your youth. It makes for an interesting meal. Following the meal I went to Pasadena and hung out at Vroman's bookstore for awhile. Here comes the awesome part. As I was leaving (about 8:30pm) I passed this man who asked if I had any spare change to buy food. I promptly dug into my pockets, producing two quarters and a dime. I smiled and walked on. As I got in the car and put it into reverse, I had a sinking feeling. I just walked passed the very situation that I have been praying about! Here was a homeless man hungry and asking for money and I pretty much threw change at him and walked away. I sat in the idleing car for a bit contemplating the situation until I ditched my pride and threw the car back into park. I walked back and asked him if I could buy him dinner. He excitedly said yes and that he would love a burrito and coke. I went down the street and bought a bean and beef burrito with two large cokes (they were so big I was thinking about keeping the cups and opening a community pool this summer; if only I were life gaurd certified). When I returned, the two of us hung out for awhile chatting about our lives. His name is Barry and he has been homeless for almost 2 years. At the end of our time together I assured him that we would hang out again soon. I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Isn't it amazing that God puts these cravings in our hearts but doesn't leave them unnourished? God is awesome.

It's finally done. After who-knows-how-long I have officially submitted my Peace Corps application! I'm not sure why it has taken me so long. Perhaps subconciously I have a fear of the colossal commitment. I dunno. But I must say, it feels good to know I've started the ball rolling. I'm not sure what type of time frame I'm looking at but I imagine that it will still take a long time. So if you work with me at Hillview and you are reading this DON'T FREAK OUT!!! Besides, everyone has their time to leave and yes mine will come eventually. Although I can't think of any convienant time for it.

Whats new with me? So much. I'm reading these amazing books that are putting a stirring in my heart for action. If you haven't read "irresistable revolution" by Shane Claiborne you are missing out. Let's just say once you are done you will probably want to sell everything you have and live with the homeless. At least I wanted to. His love for people and community are incredible. I'm hoping that any potential peace corps adventure will satisfy the craving that this book has left in my heart. I'm also about to start Dorothy Day's autobiography. Needless to say i'm very excited.

What else.....work? Well, work is going. It takes such an emotional toll on me. It's hard to see kids not making the right choices and furthering any pain that I'm trying to diminish. But on the other side, it's incredible to experience moments of joy with these kids who have been deprived of it for so long. Almost all of my original boys from when I started this job over a year ago have moved on. I'm left with two of the original seven. It's weird. I wish I could post pictures of the amazing times we've had together but I can't post pictures of them. Confidentiality crap. oh well.

Um, i had a birthday. I turned 24. I got my first present the moment I woke up.....the flu! I was determined not to let it get to me and I went out anyway. I went with some friends and watched a live taping of Jay Leno. It was a lot of fun. I thought maybe I could become famous for throwing up on Sandra Bullock on live TV, but unfortunatly my nasea eluded me during the taping. I guess I'll have to find some other venue for breaking into the entertainment industry.

I'm not sure what else would be of interest in this post. Perhaps I'll just put some highlight pics up from the past few months

I've had 2 hours of sleep in the past 24, so I'm a little loopy. Went to this club in Hollywood across from Capitol Records. Danced until 4am then went to work from 6:30am - 10:30pm. I want to write since it's been awhile, but I'll try and save it for tomorrow.

I went to church yesterday. I went for myself and not because I had to take kids there for work. I haven't done that in so long. It made me feel like I've been missing something. When I look around and see where I am in my life, I'm coming to realize that each day I feel a little more disconnected from God. It really sucks.

After church, I went to a friend's house who lives in Pasadena. She just got a new apartment, but "new" would be the last word I would use to describe it. I LOVE IT. As we walked to her door, I felt like I needed a piece of chalk to mark on the walls where I had already been. I'm pretty sure I couldn't find it again on my own, even with a map. There were children's toys littering the courtyards, and posters with the little fringes on the ends that you tear off posted on every wall. The playground area had a small square of beautifully synthetic green grass each blade a clone of the previous. As I walked through the door of her place, I was slapped in the face with the smell of a new coat of paint that covered up the lives of the previous tenants. I took a quick tour then sat on the couch looking around. This is the very thing that I miss most about "normal" life. You have an apartment to call your own; that when you return from work, work is left behind you. You walk into your small kitchen and surprise your roommate with a bowl of freshly made mac n' cheese. You sit on the porch that you share with your neighbor and stare off into the empty lot next door admiring the old beat up car with broken windows. How funny that it sits right next to a brand new truck. The sun sets behind the mountains and you clean up your dishes before retiring to your room. You lay on your bed assured that you won't be woken in the middle of the night because one of your kids is having a problem.

Don't get me wrong. I love the work that I am doing, but I'm allowed to remember what life was once like...right?

Ya, that's right.....