a new feeling...

Last night I experienced a feeling that I don't think I've ever felt. Well, at least not in quite some time. I parked my car in the APU lot and reached for my cell phone. I had nothing to do, so I figured I would call someone to hang out with. As it turns out everyone I called was buried under piles of homework or reading that had to get done, so I decided to just walk to west campus. As I was walking I was hit with this strong feeling of not belonging. Me, a graduate, couldn't call APU his home anymore. As I thought about this, I realized that I really couldn't call anywhere home anymore. My whole life I have known what it was I'm supposed to be doing. I find myself now with no job, no home, no money. I'm living out of my car. I'm a vagabond, a nomad. And I don't really like it. It's a lonely and depressing feeling. Even when I'm with my friends still in school there is something different. They all have this one thing in common and now I'm the odd one out. My friends who are graduated belong in their new jobs, or new homes, or new marriages. Where do I belong? How do I cope with a feeling so foreign? All familiarity has been torn from my life. While this is somewhat of a dark feeling place, there must be some nook somewhere that is perfectly shaped to my life. I guess I just have to keep looking for it all the while embracing this new feeling.